Operation Cosmic Teapot by Dylan Callens

Author:Dylan Callens
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: god, humor, satire, nietzsche, sartre
Publisher: Cosmic Teapot Publishing

Chapter Eleven

On the Need for Solipsism

“Is that Schopenhauer’s The World as Will and Representation,” the man asked.

“As a matter of fact, it is,” Nietzsche narrowed his eyes, quizzically staring at the slim but cherub-cheeked man. The wavy, unkempt hair was his only defining feature, drawing attention away from his eyebrows which disappeared into his pale skin. His chin sloped softly towards his neck, disappearing into the collar of his shirt. Nietzsche admired his bowtie before asking, “Have you read it before?”

“Yes. It’s a fantastic work,” he added, “I’m Paul Ree, by the way.”

“I’m Friedrich Nietzsche.”

“Oh, you’re Nietzsche! I’ve heard about you. I’ve even read your book, The Birth of Tragedy. I think that you’re right. Tragedy may well help us to be reborn. It’s incredible!”

Nietzsche felt a warm rush of blood to his cheeks, “Thank you.”

“No, thank you for such a wonderful work. Where are you, in Schopenhauer’s book?”

Nietzsche read a selection, “Consider the Qur’an, for example; this wretched book was sufficient to start a world-religion, to satisfy the metaphysical need for countless millions for twelve hundred years, to become the basis of their morality and of a remarkable contempt for death, and also to inspire them to bloody wars and the most extensive conquests. In this book we find the saddest and poorest form of theism. Much may be lost in translation, but I have not been able to discover in it one single idea of value.”

“Schopenhauer provides such important insights, don’t you think? Religion really is a limiting factor towards our freedom.”

“Yes, most certainly. You know, I can’t put my finger on it yet, but I swear that we’re entering an age of religious decline. It’s almost barbaric, in a sense.”

“Fascinating premise!”

Nietzsche smiled at Paul. His presence was reassuring, almost like they were brothers meeting for the first time, “Please, have a seat.”

Nietzsche looked up from the blank page, feeling lost in his past, once again. He attempted to free his mind from the wretched tale by checking in with Mazda. Nietzsche swiped the screen on his Galaxy to find the first tweet from Earth: @TheNitzsch i can smell thors stench. its somewhere between ass and hillbilly. i hate hillbillies. heading west. #cosmicteapot

Nietzsche felt like Rommel, hiding behind The Cauldron at Gazala – waiting and biding his time while his enemies took their shots, holding his position. The impenetrable defense took down tank after tank until the enemy couldn’t fight any more. Then, a quick attack was mounted and Rommel took Torbuk in a single day. He chased the British to Egypt. That’s where Nietzsche was right now, mounting his offensive, ready to chase both God and the Norse. Oh, how he wanted vengeance on both fronts.

He wrote back: @MazdaTheHunter Find them all and kill them! Operation Cosmic Teapots must be a success! #cosmicteapot

There was a quiet murmur throughout the room as the board members talked among themselves, waiting for the meeting to begin. Instead of addressing them, however, Nietzsche looked back down at the sheet of paper, fading out, back to a carriage ride with Paul.

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